Okay. iPad is totally not one of those device that have awesome typing thingy, but this will do now that I'm so lazy to go to my laptop.

I just really feel like ranting here. Why are people so talented and here I am just a lump of living cells that waste oxygen, food, leaving carbon footprints? Okay yeah, I hope you get what I meant. I feel so very very absolutely talentless. Sigh. I wish I have bigger dreams. I wish I have something I want to be. I wish I am one of those people who are working hard to achieve their dreams. I wish I have a dream. A dream where it makes you to only do your best. To give it all you've got. To be excited waiting for a new day. To be excited for life. To be grateful that you are given so much time to live it. Just one simple thing that can make you feel alive.

I just feel like I'm lost again. What am I doing here? What do I want? What am I looking for in life? I just really wish I can know that. At least please give me a peek? At least let me have a picture of what is going to happen.

My friend were just talking about how they sometimes feel bad for their sisters. How like one of the sister is kind of keeping the problems to herself. Not speaking out. I don't know, maybe, just maybe. Not everyone have someone. Not everyone want to listen to your problems. Some people are just as alone as they can get. It's not that they like to keep all the problems to themselves. They just don't have that one person who actually really cares about them. Who actually really wants to know what is going on with your life. Or maybe even if there people out there who cares, you just don't want them to worry about you. You just don't know how to tell them without making them feel guilty.

I feel like I am slowly detaching myself from the reality. I want to tell my problems too. I want someone to give me advices on what I should do. Someone to give me pats on the back and say it's okay. Someone who will try to understand me. Without judging me. Without looking down on me.

I need to have some serious talks. With who I don't know. But I just know I can't. I'm going to have a break down even before we start getting to my problems. I am just so easily affected by my emotions. I am easily touched. Easy to please.

I feel lost. Again and again. I want to be found too.

Maybe, just maybe. I kept stuff to myself way too much. Way too long.

I wish to be a kid again. Where I wouldn't have to worry about all this. My biggest problem would just be what colour I should use to paint the houses this time?