This tragedy is very heartbreaking. All the stories about the survivors and also the deceased. The divers too. All of these. I cried a lot on this. Maybe people will think why would I even cry, I don't even know them or something. I'm just this weak on controlling my emotions. I take them as my friend, junior or even senior. If this ever happen to me. The stories are very heartbreaking but at the same time makes you believe in humanity again. Of course, there are also some people who makes me mad and want to curse at them but the stories of the heroes take over them. Rest in peace. Let's just pray and hope it will be a better tomorrow.

My friend just lost someone dear to her. And I don't know what to say to her. But I always want her to know that I'm right here if she ever needs anything. And I hope she will be strong. Strong enough to go through this. And I know she is a strong woman. So be strong, you can pass this. And I'm so sorry for your loss.

My feelings towards you will usually be in this pattern.
You are cute - I'm interested - I want you - Gosh, can I have you? - Ugh - Ugh Ugh - Leave me alone - I miss you - Am I annoying you? - Never ever leave me alone - You are so adorable - Ugh - Ignoring.
Yup. Roller coaster. Faster than a bullet.

ps. I identify things and people by smell. Memories are relying a lot on that.
And I want to write it all down before I forget it. Before some amnesia hit me or the memories get blur.

I've been asking myself a lot since my last relationship. Is it me or what was it? Why am I suddenly just so crazy about Kyuhyun? Idk. Really. Never even cross my mind why. Sure he's talented and super perfect in my own opinion, but just why. Why am I never have any interest on any guy who has feelings for me and stuff. And now I know why.
Why am I diverting all of my love to someone so far away and unreachable.
Because being in love with someone near puts you in a vulnerable state.
Idk, maybe the way I love is wrong. But to me, it makes me feel so vulnerable.
Like I can break any time.
And being with someone just makes you want more, hope for more, need more.
Can't blame anyone, it's humans' nature. Greed will always be with us.
And I hate being vulnerable.
I hate being the one who feels more.
I hate when I can't give you what you want.
I hate when I can tell you what I want.
And I feel guilty way too easily.
And I don't know how to differentiate these feelings.


So yeah, maybe in the mean time I'm just going to still love Kyu.
Putting these feelings aside.