I can't help it. Go away. Leave my thoughts. I can't stop the what ifs. It is mutual. Argh. And the endless worries that come with it. One day you will realise it and tell yourself, 'Enough!'. You are sick of the same old boring stuff. Again and again. You have enough of repetitions. The consequences is too big. The damage that comes with it is unbearable. So for the best, take the first step towards the opposite side now. It is for the best for anyone who are involved.
Tell myself it's time now. Gotta let go.

Hearing your name still startled me. Damn! Why is your name so common? Haha.

Note to self : Always, go to Jusco's toilet in Pyramid. It's super clean 😁

*just trying out something new.

Sylvi, breathe. Take a deep breath and breathe XD
BUAHAHAHA. I can't stop XD

Maybe.
I like someone who looks weak, but actually pretty strong :D

I regret this. Not studying. Not doing any assignments or lab reports. I'm so screwed -.-

Found this picture! OMG! HAHA! 2010-10-29. Two years ago! Still have the same shirt! Still using the same phone! Still using the same watch! Still too lazy to wear earrings. Still pretty much have the same hair length. I do not change at all. :/

You know the feeling of how badly that you want something that is not yours? How you don't like it that much anymore once it's yours? And how you yearn it to come back to you once it's lost? Damn!

BTW! Vey very random. My mum called me just now and wanted me to speak Mandarin to her O.O Let's say I did not embarrass myself and we ended up talking in Mandarin throughout the whole time even till goodbyes! Proud daughter is here XD

that I do not have a fixed ideal type XD Just randomly thought about it today, trying to tell myself to be productive, hence the post is here! SO yeah, have you ever feel how you just fall in love with one's character in a movie or drama and all you can think about is how great if that person actually exist in your life and how awesome your life is going to be if those scenes actually happen to you? I guess that's why we have writers, since they can't experience it in real life, why not try to mess up with other's thoughts and get the hell away with it then made up all those awesome scenes. Okay, going to be totally off the grid now.
Anyway, I realize that I always often fell in love with all those awesome lead actors in K-drama/K-movies. And my liking totally varied from Jung Woo Sung to Kyuhyun(okay,he's not in any drama,but he's forever in my heart) to Cha Tae Hyun. Why is that most of the actors in Korea is hotter as they aged? UGH! They were all cute and squishy and one day they will start playing serious or adult roles and bamf, hotness. Why is Jung Woo Sung is super hot in that movie? And Jang Hyuk,OMG! Song Joong Ki! You and your playful self. Yoo Ah In, stop messing with my heart. Kim Soo Hyun, why so good looking?! Hyun Bin, WAE U SO SWEET? Won Bin, save me instead. Cha Tae Hyun seems like a really funny guy in real life. Why are you all so awesome? While watching this movie, all I can think is how great is it to have someone who will love you like a sunflower. Only loving you and no one else and only have eyes for you. Then I watch this movie, how great is it to have guys that can protect you. And you watch another movie thinking, all I need is a guy with a good sense of humor. Then a guy that acts cool in front of others but have lots of aegyo in front of you is the best. After that as long as he's romantic. Then you envy those who married their first love. Then you realize, 'Ah, first love will never last. It's just gonna end up as a sweet memory.' When you gather all of it, your ideal guy is like a man with thousand characteristics, which will be just weird. Plain weirdness.
However, I really need to stop all these madness with anything that is related to Kpop, cause I think I might be in love for real. To Kyuhyun. Never I thought that I am gonna like someone as much as I like him. Haha. But everytime I want to stop myself from obsessing over him, he just have to get hotter. I remember a few months back, I was telling myself, 'all these things won't matters to you in like ten years from now. So why even bother continue doing this?' Then of course, those stylist unnie have to give them button up white shirts to wear? Like super super hot! WAE? and he's acting super angelic with the waves and the smile and the eyes squinting and adorable self?! See, I don't even intend to talk about it but I just I am just bound to talk about him. Why is this post suddenly change to 'how obsess I am with Cho Kyu Hyun XD'. HAHA. I don't even know why I like him this long. It's suppose to be maximum three months or half a year and you will change your bias rules! But I'm stuck with him. I should really stop going gaga over him.
Do you know that if you pretend not to miss someone, you are just bound to miss that person even more? I guess this is what's happening to me. I don't have a scientific reference for this but I think it's true. And women tend to think that taken men are more attractive? Again, no scientific proof to support my argument,  but it is true. Not in the way 'I want to steal you from your girlfriend/wife' feeling, but more in the 'How nice it would be if I can find someone like him as well' feeling. (What am I talking about now?)
I saw a quote at facebook, 'My boyfriend is like 30th February, he doesn't exist!' and realized that maybe I do not really want a boyfriend(now). I am more in love with the idea of love and relationships, but I do not wish to be in one(I guess). How I always fell for someone that I knew that I couldn't have. Distancing myself from people that genuinely like me. I love being alone, idk since when. With no one to disturb you, you don't have to worry about replying a text asap or whether what he's or she's doing now. I used to be this kind of people that love mixing around,getting to know more people, go out and have fun, but I love to stay home a lot more. Doing my own things. Silence around you. Peaceful. Suddenly I just don't know what to talk to people, how to keep conversation longer, how to flirt around, how to like someone that's real, how to not make people feel awkward, how to keep a long conversation with people, how to talk about normal stuff, how to talk about some serious issues. I just don't know now. I guess I spend too much time on my own. Getting lost in my own thoughts and enjoying my own company.

Telling myself, do not start watching it. I warn you. Don't! Although it's just the super junior cuts and a little bit of others, I watched one video already :( OMG. I'm suppose to study and do all those reports. And biochem quiz, like two more hours left to do the quiz. Damn you I AM. I need to study first! Why are you so tempting? I already teared at the first video :( so so so touching *wipes tears away*. I guess sleepless night again tonight. Damn it.

Why oh why today -.- first of all, it comes as a shock. I thought I was lucky enough. But no, just not. And just when i was about to throw it all, it all comes back at once. Ugh. But I'm ready now. And this is just one of the tests, of course I have to be tested right? I will be fine. Trust me. I guess all these times, I just had a wrong idea. Like I was so blind I don't even realize it.
Then coming back home, I feel cheated. You said a showcase, now a concert? Like really? You got me all excited for nothing?! I have enough of that -.- Getting my hopes up and fall from cloud nine. To the ground. Hard. Damn it. Now I just don't feel like going -.- I rather spend on SM Town -.- And the one is Singapore is so much cheaper than the one in Indonesia. Why oh why? Now I'm sad. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh. I am seriously getting old after all the sighing.
And I really really love Swift's new song, Red. Losing him was blue , loving him was red and missing him was dark grey all alone. Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you never met. Remembering him comes in flashbacks and echoes. < 3